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1. You must never ask someone out during your first meeting. What are you, an American?

2. You can, however, begin analysing their Facebook and Instagram photos almost immediately. Go on, it’s encouraged

3. Never text back straight away. You must give off the impression that you are a popular and busy individual no matter what

4. Emojis and x’s must be taken as seriously as actual words

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5. Wait as long as possible to ask someone on a date. If you can get away with hanging out without having to ask, even better

6. You must spend a considerable amount of time Googling exciting options for a first date, then go to the cinema anyway

7. Similarly, you must make a list of restaurants you’d like to try, then choose Eddie Rockets or its regional equivalents. Just to be safe

8. You must only talk about mutual friends, where you went to college, and people you both might know from each college

9. Don’t compliment your date. You don’t want them to lose the run of themselves

10. In fact, it’s better if you do the opposite. Rip them to shreds with your words! They’ll love it

11. If one person offers to pay, the other must refuse at least three times before accepting (and being secretly happy about it)

12. The post-date kiss must be an extremely awkward, fumbling affair, even though the daters have most likely already shifted on a night out

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13. The only acceptable public flirting is posting funny videos on each other’s Facebook walls. Everything else will be greeted with disgust and extreme slagging

14. It is only OK to talk about your SO with friends if you imply that hanging out with them is the WORST. “I have to go meet Himself *rolls eyes*” etc

15. A couple must insist that they are ‘just shifting’ for as long as humanly possible. Perhaps even until their wedding day

16. The relationship is only confirmed once both parties make it ‘Facebook official’. Couples who don’t do this are highly suspicious

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17. You must tell your parents you met your SO in ‘college’ or ‘through friends’. Be as vague as possible (effort of explaining it was Coppers/Tinder)

18. And finally, flowers and chocolates are passé. True romance is buying them chips on Camden Street at 2am

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